So What is Domestic Violence?

Diana Moscoso, M.A., LCMHCA, NCC

In the realm of abuse, domestic violence could be one of the hardest for the victim to identify.  

For victims to identify fully the effects of this type of abuse and heal from it, it is important to  understand the definition. According to Kramer and Finley (2019), domestic abuse is a pattern of  behaviors used by one partner to control and intimidate the other partner in the relationship.  

For the sufferer, domestic abuse is hard to detect because of the abuser’s capability to calibrate him or  herself to the needs, fears, and wishes of the victim. Then, the abusive partner's interactions are manipulative, sudden, and coercive. The aggression the abuser uses is often undetectable and can disguise itself in the form of hurtful comments, intimidation, gas-lighting, or using gender privileges. There are other more noticeable forms of abuse as well, such as physical  and sexual violence, arousing fear, isolating the victim, or using coercion and threats.  

In an effort to help the victims, and the persons who support them, to fully understand the damaging  behaviors, here are some examples of abusive interactions. 

- Emotional abuse: putting the person down, name calling, humiliations, making the person  feel crazy or guilty, or playing mind games. 

- Isolation: moving the victim to a different place (state or city), limiting the outside  interactions, using jealousy, controlling who the victim sees and talks to. 

- Minimizing, Denying, blaming: not taking responsibility for his or her actions, denying the  abuse never happened, blaming the victim, and not taking allegations seriously. 

- Using children: threats against children, using guilt, using the children to relay messages, or  using visitation to harass the victim. 

- Economic abuse: keeping finances away from the victim, not letting the victim get a job or  taking the victim’s money. 

- Coercion and threats: making the victim do illegal things or drop the charges. Intimidate the  victim with suicide, leaving, or hurting them. 

- Intimidation: making the victim feel afraid using looks, attitudes, or gestures. Using locks,  destroying property, damaging pets, or displaying weapons.  

If the person understands that they are in a domestic violence situation it is important that they take  action. First, the person must create a plan and never let the abuser know about this plan. This plan must  include putting money, clothes, medication, documents, and other necessities aside. Then, the person  must find a safe place to stay and only let a few people know of their whereabouts. Be prepared for the  situation to escalate and always stay safe. Joining a support group and getting professional help is  imperative; these professionals can link the victim with people and resources that can help in these  critical situations. Lastly, call 911 if an imminent emergency occurs.

Jones, M. (2015). What to Do in a Domestic Violence Situation: A Guide for Survivors and  Supporters. Ms. More than a Magazine, a Movement. 

Kramer, L., & Finley, L. (2019). Domestic Violence: An Overview. Salem Press Encyclopedia