Approaching your New Plans for the New Year in a New Way
Robyn Lowery, Ph.D., LCMHCA, CCTP
I look forward to the Christmas holiday every year--shopping for the perfect gifts for loved ones, putting up decorations, making Grandma’s sweet potato pie-- which all lead up to the grand finale-- hosting Christmas Dinner at my home for the entire family. Our clan is small, but the merriment of these occasions is priceless and most cherished. I’ve grown accustomed to the sound of loud voices, laughter, and a modest degree of quarreling between the children (and sometimes the grown-ups too!). Over the years these traditions have become essential in my holiday preparation and celebration, helping to define just what Christmas means to me.
So, when my two children and I came down with the flu right before Christmas, I was devastated; knowing that all of my plans would not be realized in the way that I had envisioned them. When would I have time to finish my shopping? And who in the world would host Christmas dinner? If I were to be honest, I had some pretty self-centered “private” thoughts which in hindsight, only served to propel my frustrations and angst. The real question I should have asked myself is whether I was going to allow this sudden onslaught of sickness to dampen my Christmas spirit.
Likewise, as we move into a new year, many of us have concrete plans for self-improvement, such as losing weight, eliminating debt, or ending nicotine addiction--all very appropriate and worthwhile personal endeavors. It’s quite common to be enthusiastic in making resolutions and setting goals that will yield the ultimate success. “This will be the year that I find the man of my dreams!”, we proudly proclaim. However, what we often fail to account for are the hurdles and obstacles that we will inevitably encounter as we march towards our goals. Adjusting to “the unexpected” is easier for some than others. It can be difficult to improvise and tear our minds away from our original vision when such complications arise. If we’re not careful we can allow ourselves to be overtaken with a continuous replay of negative thoughts that only serve to drive us further away from our goal.
So, how can we stay committed to our goals for the new year while also being open to the need for flexibility? Here are a few things to consider:
Set goals that allow for wiggle room. Participate in an exercise class that offers several different days and times to attend. Something is always going to come up and create a conflict in the schedule. Increasing your opportunities, only increases the odds of attaining your goal.
Make opportunities for easy success. Let’s be honest it gets so exciting at the beginning of the year and sometimes we can be quite ambitious. It’s important to challenge ourselves, but we must also be realistic. If you desire to begin racing and have been sedentary most of your life, signing up for the big Marathon would be biting off more than you could chew. Start off with a 5K. These small successes will increase your confidence, while also preparing you for greater challenges.
Look for the lesson in the setback. When plans go awry, instead of giving into harmful self- talk, look at the situation as an opportunity for additional growth and learning. Ask yourself: What have I actually sacrificed? What can I learn to better myself as I move towards my goal?
Bring back the FUN. Yes, we’ve heard about “no pain, no gain.” But, who said you can’t enjoy it at the same time? Involve friends and family in your goals. Have everyone come over to the house and host a meal-planning party once a week. Instead of dinner with your new interest, take a painting class together, or engage in a paintball session to mix things up.
Personally, I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed snuggling up in bed with my children giggling and reading their favorite books. The quiet sick days at home allowed for some introspective conversations with my oldest and revealed that my youngest was further along in her reading than I’d known. And then it hit me! In actuality, I was already surrounded by the things I wanted – loud children, lots of laughter, and the occasional bickering. My Christmas plans had changed, but it was still Christmas.
Best wishes and Happy New Year,
Robyn L. Lowery, Ph.D., LPCA, CCTP
Psychotherapist
