I’m Not Your Black Superwoman
Understanding the Strong Black Woman Complex
Melanie Burnett M.S., LCMHCA, NCC
For most of my life, I always strived to be the quote-on-quote “Strong Black Woman”.
A woman who exudes strength.
A woman who is fierce and protective of her own.
A woman who takes care of everyone and everything without remorse.
A Black Superwoman.
The characteristic of being a “Strong Black Woman” was a source of pride for me. It made me feel like I could achieve anything. Like I could tackle the world. Like I had a special superpower.
Until one day it didn’t.
The source of pride that I once felt was no longer there.
The superwoman mentality that I formerly held had swiftly turned into my worst nightmare.
And the superpower that I once loved had quickly become my kryptonite.
Everything about being strong, being protective of my own, and taking care of everything and everyone without remorse began to feel like suffocation. Tasks I once could complete with poise and grace began to become emotionally taxing. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and my caregiver tendencies had left me with an empty cup, negating my need for self-care and silencing my emotions.
Can you relate, sis?
This feeling of being everything to everyone in which we almost reach “superhuman-like” levels, withstanding feelings of exhaustion, fatigue, and burnout, triggering lots of anxiety and worry. Panic attacks, heart palpitations, headaches, high blood pressure, and a variety of other things become our everyday reality leading us to ask this one question:
“What’s wrong with me?”
I probably asked this question over a thousand times. However, it wasn’t until I sat across from my first Black therapist during my senior year of undergrad that I realized that the superwoman cape that I wore as a “symbol of strength” was the cause of most of my problems.
I was suffering from the Strong Black Woman Complex (SBW), commonly known as the Black Superwoman Syndrome.
Black Superwoman Syndrome is different for every black woman; but it is the “universal feeling of feeling as if you are required to take on the world and all of its problems while juggling your blackness, womanhood, [and the many other hats that you wear] (Bayaa-Uzuri, 2019)”.
According to Atlanta-based psychologist Dr. Kanika Bell, the Strong Black Woman began as a way to empower us. It said you can't keep us down. Whatever you throw at us, we continue to rise. We never tire. We never complain. We never cry. But what was [once] adaptive has now become maladaptive (Golden, 2021)".
This statement means that we, as Black women working towards healing, must break the mold of what once was effective and find avenues of support to rebuild our foundations and refill our empty cups.
But, how do we do that? How do we refill a cup that has been empty for so long?
We put in the work.
Yes. I know that it is easier said than done, but it is true.
We prioritize ourselves. Incorporating self-care in our daily routines and learning how to say “no”.
We build our Sister Tribe. Redefining our circles as genuine support systems.
We seek help through therapy and support groups. Creating time to focus on our mental and spiritual well-being.
We show up for ourselves when society says we should not, and we reclaim our time like our auntie Congresswoman Maxine Waters once said.
I’m rooting for you!
With love,
Therapist Melanie B.
Bayaa-Uzuri, J. (2019). S.B.W. (strong black women) and the 'black superwoman syndrome. The Mahogany Project. Retrieved February 5, 2023, from https://themahoganyproject.org/2019-8-28-sbw-strong-black-women-and-the-black-superwoman-syndrome/
Golden, M. (2021). We don't have to wear the mask: The Strong Black Woman Complex redefined – Marita Golden: Author: Creative writing coach: Literary consultant: Creative writing workshops: Book editor. Retrieved February 3, 2023, from https://maritagolden.com/the-strong-black-woman-complex-redefined/
