The Most Obnoxious Roommate: You

By Thomas Barker, M.S., LCMHCA, NCC

Yourself.  Can’t live with you, can’t live without you.  And that can be exhausting from time to time.  Maybe it’s that pervasive sense of constantly questioning everything that you do.  Regret over poor decisions you’ve made or resentment for feeling some type of way that you wish were different.  Perhaps you’re angry at yourself because you didn’t perform as well or achieve the level of success you wanted.  Often our reaction is to try “bullying” ourselves into behaving or feeling differently.  I’m curious, how many times has that been helpful?

You are allowed to have feelings.  You can be sad when that guy you liked doesn’t feel the same way.  You can be afraid when you don’t feel confident about your future.  You can be angry when a friend mistreats you.  But, that isn’t the end of the story.  

It’s important for us to acknowledge our feelings, but of equal importance is to remember that we are not our feelings.  You feel sad, you are not a sad person.  You feel anger, not you “are” an angry person.  You can feel compassion toward yourself as well.  Many of us want that from others, but how can we expect it from others when we are unable to offer it to ourselves?

A few suggestions for self-care this week:

• Exercise

• Read a new book

• Play an instrument

• Write down a list of things you are grateful for

• Journal about your feelings

• Play a sport

Many people find talking to someone helpful when struggling to develop a compassionate attitude toward themselves.  Reach out to a friend who is going through a difficult time or consider Sanctuary Counseling Group if professional help is desired.

You can also check out this website, which provides more information on self-compassion and : https://self-compassion.org/